Cyril Pumperknickel is the golf pro. He is bald, wears a Titleist cap at all times, and drives around the course in his cart while chomping on cigar butts. He is probably not going to be the romantic hero.
Fido is the gopher, ironically named, who lives on the golf course. He does not torture the groundskeeper played by Bill Murray because there are copyright issues with this story. Fido’s favorite tasty treats are the BLT scraps dropped by golfers as they speed by in their golf carts.
Sparrow Sudsworth is the son and/or daughter of one of those Big Cheeses we wrote about yesterday. S/he is a trust funder and therefore doesn’t have to worry about trivial things like paying next month’s rent or keeping up with golf club membership dues.
Suzanna the Goose Girl. She is wispy, young, and poor. It is her job to chase the geese off the golf course with clubs that have been tossed away by frustrated golfers. Someone will probably fall in love with her and rescue her from this life of woe.
Rebecca Robot lives in a culvert near the water hazard and worries about rust. Since a culvert is associated with the movement of water, Rebecca is not very smart.