Salute to St. Andrews

We heard it first on the BBC World Service. 

The members of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews in Scotland have voted to admit female members.

It only took them 260 years. Better late than never, we say, to do the right thing. 

At this time, WNMLF Golf League members have elected not to go through the application process as we believe that St. Andrews is probably not ready for us.   

In any case, we raise a toast to St. Andrews and their future women members. Hit a few shots for us, ladies. We are with you in spirit.

Scramble = Golf With Friends

In another part of the sports world, WordsWith Friends is a version of Scrabble. 

It strikes us that in our golf world,   playing Scramble golf should be called Golf with Friends. 

We LOVE Scramble.   

It doesn’t matter if you’re having a bad day or you’re playing on an impossibly hard course. All you need is one friend who has a better hit, and you pick up your golf ball (if you can find it after that miserable tee shot) and move it to the spot where one of your golfing buddies landed her shot on a much better hit. 

The more the merrier. Your odds of a great hit improve with more players in your round. 

It seems to us that Scramble, or Golf With Friends, is very compatible with the WNMLF philosophy of golf.   

If you’re out there, enjoy your day, the scenery, and the company of friends.  Otherwise, what’s the point?

The Big Miss, and other Internet Miracles

When we (not quite) accidentally clicked on a picture of Sandra Bulloch with a set of golf clubs, we got to some Golf Coach talking about the Big Miss.

“Golf is extremely frustrating.”   Stop the presses.  News bulletin.

“All mistakes can be fixed.” 

“These lessons that I will send to you ABSOLUTELY FREE will find your Big Miss.”

It seems to us that we have more than one Big Miss, and this guy would have a hard time diagnosing us from inside the computer.

“All you have to do is send me your email address.”

Ok, getting a little dicey here.

“One catch—you must devote your complete attention to all of these lessons.”

Can anyone say spyware?  Will pictures of us in our jammies watching these ABSOLUTELY FREE lessons be posted on the Cloud where one of these Hollywood junk magazines can steal them and embarrass us while the Internet buzzes about it?

We think we’ll just keep to our own Big Miss.

So sorry to decline this generous offer.

Proposed Social Media Policy for WNMLF Golf League

Policy

WNMLF bloggers are not opposed to social media.  Anyone who golfs and/or reads the blog is encouraged to participate.

Social Media Tools

There are many social media tools.  We would use more, but we’re borderline techie imbeciles.  Therefore, the blog and notifications on Twitter will have to suffice. 

Purpose of Social Media

• Promote the WNMLF Golf League mission. 
• Disseminate grassroots golf news—because the world needs to know.
• Promote shamelessly the blogger.
• Educate, inform, entertain.
• Promote debate with a view to finding solutions.
• Consider alternative viewpoints.
• Promote events and exhibitions.

Moderation

• In all things be moderate.
• Any defamatory postings or comments will be removed.
• Defamatory postings include, but are not limited to, those that are: racist, sexist, political, insulting, reporting of actual golf scores, threatening.

Relevant Legislation

• The person writing the blog gets to make things up and use the royal “we,” as in, “We had a great tee shot on hole #3,” or “We prefer milk and lemon in our tea.”
• There will be no throwing of golf clubs, either on the course, or at the computer, or at the blogger.
• No animals will be harmed in the writing, reading, or golfing related to this blog.
• This policy will be reviewed every so often in case we need to do something else.

Signed

Etc & etc & etc

(With homage and thanks to Australian National Botanic Gardens for inspiration)

League Practice with Antelope Playing Through

August 20, 2014.  WNMLF golfers Joan, Katie, Cindy, and Vicki attended a league practice session on the Back 9 (aka the “Sunset” holes)  at Riverview Golf Course. 

(Alert readers will note that the Dreaded Badger lives on hole #6, so we avoided any unpleasant badgerial encounters.)

Report from Cart #23 follows: 

Hole #10—bunnies noted in the underbrush. 

Cart path between #12 and #13—snake zoomed across the path in front of the other golf cart. 

Hole #13—the “blue door” is a local idiomatic expression for the Port-a-Potty.  You may have suspected it is a restaurant in another New Mexico city, but you would be wrong. 

Hole #14—we were joined by a herd (5) of antelope.  The mama and 4 babies were unconcerned as golf balls whizzed by them as they ambled across the fairway.  The papa antelope watched (with some menace, we might add) from the other side of the fence.

Hole # 17—blood sugar dropping.  That picture of the green chile cheeseburger on the Riverview score card looking better and better. 

Club House—The Grill @ Riverview—We can, in fact, highly recommend the Riverview Burger (aka the green chile cheeseburger). 

All in all, a satisfying practice day.  A few good shots, a few lousy shots, lots of wildlife, fine cheeseburgers, New Mexico blue sky and sunshine, patient golfer friends. Does it really get any better than this?

Felonious Badger

To further demonstrate that we are not making this up, we present the ACTUAL SIGN from the Pro Shop at Riverview.

O Ye of Little Faith:   Read it and look out when you're on hole #6.

He is armed and dangerous if cornered.

Badger on Hole #6

Danger, danger.  Warning, warning. A badger has moved into hole #6 at Riverview Golf Course.  

The sign in the pro shop advises us that he is armed and dangerous, so don’t brandish golf clubs, offer him a martini, or look threatening. 

We are not making this up. 

You have been warned.   Proceed with caution.




Photographic evidence courtesy of our  friendly Riverview Pro Shop.

Prairie Dog Open July 2014

Our sponsor

We are happy to report that this year, a contingent of WNMLF golfers returned to Cedar City, Utah, to play the semi-irregular Prairie Dog Open. 

 

Faithful readers will note an absence of a few years and (we hope) rejoice in the return of this auspicious event.

 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Cedar Ridge Golf Course

Shotgun start:  9:30 am or so

Temp:  Moderate for this time of year

Sunny skies

Participating golfers:  Alan, Don, Vicki, and assorted prairie dogs

Cheerleader:  Kathy from the air conditioned splendor of the snack bar

 

The course invited golfers with very blue skies, red rock mountain foothills, and good grooming that worked skillfully around the prairie dog holes.

 

Prairie dogs were welcoming and did not interrupt too many backswings during this year’s tournament.  No animals were injured by either golf clubs or high velocity golf balls. Neither were there any corpses (prairie dog or otherwise) observed on the course of play.

 

Hole #8:  Golfers Don and Vicki scored holes-in-one when their tee shots disappeared into prairie dog holes!!!  Oh frabjous day!  

 

This led to the only disappointing moment of the day. The local car dealership did not seem to understand that the custom is to award a car to anyone who scores a hole-in-one during tournament play. 

 

Golfers retreated to the local Thai restaurant for the tournament banquet. A fine time was had by all. Thank you for your support.

 

Rebuttal to Poem--Fogo the Third

Prompt:  Read your favorite poem.  Write a rebuttal. (attributed to Fogo Von Slack)

Poem:

"Fleas"  by Anon.

Adam had ‘em. 

Rebuttal:

No, I don’t think he did. 

Apologia: 

I can not figure out a way to link this to golf.

Describe 5 characters from your next novel--another Fogo writing prompt

Cyril Pumperknickel is the golf pro.  He is bald, wears a Titleist cap at all times, and drives around the course in his cart while chomping on cigar butts.  He is probably not going to be the romantic hero.

Fido is the gopher, ironically named, who lives on the golf course.  He does not torture the groundskeeper played by Bill Murray because there are copyright issues with this story. Fido’s favorite tasty treats are the BLT scraps dropped by golfers as they speed by in their golf carts.

Sparrow Sudsworth is the son and/or daughter of one of those Big Cheeses we wrote about yesterday. S/he is a trust funder and therefore doesn’t have to worry about trivial things like paying next month’s rent or keeping up with golf club membership dues.

Suzanna the Goose Girl.  She is wispy, young, and poor.  It is her job to chase the geese off the golf course with clubs that have been tossed away by frustrated golfers. Someone will probably fall in love with her and rescue her from this life of woe.

Rebecca Robot lives in a culvert near the water hazard and worries about rust. Since a culvert is associated with the movement of water, Rebecca is not very smart. 

Compare & Contrast the Big Tomato to the Big Cheese--a Fogo Von Slack Writing Prompt

The Big Tomato and the Big Cheese are somewhat alike, but mostly they are different. 

First of all, they are both Big.  This is where the similarity ends. 

Mostly, they are different.  You need the Big Tomato whenever you set out to write something.  You need a Big Tomato for a college essay (please), a blog post, a poem, a screenplay, a tv show, a Tweet, even your grocery list needs a Big Tomato. (Although we recommend that you confine most of your Big Tomato procurements to your local farmers’ market or what you discover growing on vines in your backyard.) 

You really don’t need a Big Cheese for much of anything, except perhaps as an object of satire in your Tweets.  A caution here—if job security is important to you, be careful with this satirical purposing of the Big Cheese.   

Now for the connection to golf, because of course it is here.  Golf can help us understand just about anything. 

On the golf course, your best use of the Big Tomato is on the BLT you order from the grill during your break between the front nine and the back nine.  In fact, we recommend the BLT. 

On the golf course, the Big Cheese is the guy in his own golf cart with the very expensive, custom-made clubs who may or may not actually be able to hit the golf ball.  In any event, avoid the Big Cheese on the course.  Let him play through.  He is obnoxious and may even bean you with a golf ball from a  tee shot with his pricey driver.   

Now it is important to write a conclusion.  So you see, the Big Tomato and the Big Cheese are somewhat alike, but mostly they are different.