We Break In a New Golf Teacher

Tuesday, August 25. First day of class we met in a classroom. Coach K is the designated instructor of this Golf I class.

We learned:

**Coach K prefers to be called, “Coach.”

**A golf ball has 420 dimples. Not only do they add style, they enable aerial flight. (It’s physics. Trust us on this one.)

**If lightning is headed for Pinon Hills Golf Course, the guy in the pro shop will see it on special radar. If you’re out there on the course and you hear an air horn, hit the dirt, get off the course, and/or hide in the outhouse.

**There is a difference between red numbers and black numbers on Titleist golf balls. It has something to do with compression.

**Guys with big swings should play a harder golf ball on hot days. Women should always play a softer ball. We are not making this up.

**Some people actually care about what kind of golf balls they are hitting.

**If you let grass accumulate in the little grooves on the face of your golf clubs, it will add an unwanted backspin to your shots.

**The cute animal head covers that many golfers use on the clubs in their bags serve a purpose other than decoration.

**We think we’re going to have fun and learn something from Coach.

Stay tuned for updates on future developments in the academic careers of a few of our WNMLF golfers.

In Which We Lose Valuable Play Time

The necessity of the return to full-time work has caused serious interference with the WNMLF league practice schedule.

First day back—required meeting on campus safety.

blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART CERTIFICATION blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

(Torture for the golfers in the audience. Must they continue to mention GOLF CARTS?)

(We’re not allowed to drive golf carts unless we get some kind of certification. Our golf teacher, when informed of this, said he wouldn’t tell anyone if we gave him ten dollars.)

blah blah blah blah blah blah

KEEP THIS CARD NEXT TO YOUR PHONE—IT IS A FEDERAL REGULATION. WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF A BOMB THREAT—What is your name? Where is the bomb? Where are you? When will the bomb go off? What is your favorite color? Why are you calling ME?

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

SNORE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

ANY QUESTIONS? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

DISMISSED.

All in all, we prefer a morning out on the fairways and greens at our beloved Civitan.

Golf Ball Whisperer

“Meet me at the Buick in handicapped parking,” he said as he caught up with us at the tee box on hole #9.

Then he handed Joan the ball that had landed on the lakeshore on her first tee shot off hole #5.

“Here’s your ball,” he said, as we looked surprised to see the ball that we had given up for lost in the weeds.

He apparently perceived that we were a group of golfers who could use all the extra balls that would come our way.

We finished out hole #9, sat in the shade to add up our scores, and made our way to the parking lot.

We were soon joined by our new friend with the Buick and the trunk full of found golf balls. With great pride, he told us stories of how many lost and abandoned golf balls he had retrieved that day and one day last week on our Civitan golf course. He knew the exact numbers.

We also heard about the thousands of lost golf balls he had collected when he lived and worked near golf courses in Nevada and Utah. He also knew those exact numbers.

In the trunk of the Buick, he had a Christmas popcorn tin filled to the brim with these found golf balls.

“Reach in there,” he said. “Grab yourself a dozen or more. Take as many as you want.”

And so in golf--as in life--when you least expect it, beauty, magic, and generosity can come your way.

We were grateful for this moment of grace. And for the golf balls.

Sad Day at Civitan

When WNMLF golfers arrived at our home course this morning, we were greeted by a sad sight.

Last night, someone (or likely someones-plural) took shovels and tore up 5 of our beautiful greens. They also hacked down part of a tree and tried to “plant it” in the torn-up mess of the green on hole #1.

It was sputtering a few drops of rain and cloudy this morning after last night’s rain, and it seemed as if our beloved golf course was crying about this senseless vandalism.

We went out to play the 4 holes that were untouched, and noted the hard work of the grounds crew as they worked salvage what they could of their carefully tended grass.

By the time we left, they had already repaired and reopened hole #8—a minor miracle considering the damage to the course.

We salute our wonderful groundskeepers Gilbert and Marty and thank them for all their hard work. We appreciate them in spite of the destruction wreaked by some of the more pitiful members of our human species.

Shame on those vandals. Shame on them.