We Break In a New Golf Teacher

Tuesday, August 25. First day of class we met in a classroom. Coach K is the designated instructor of this Golf I class.

We learned:

**Coach K prefers to be called, “Coach.”

**A golf ball has 420 dimples. Not only do they add style, they enable aerial flight. (It’s physics. Trust us on this one.)

**If lightning is headed for Pinon Hills Golf Course, the guy in the pro shop will see it on special radar. If you’re out there on the course and you hear an air horn, hit the dirt, get off the course, and/or hide in the outhouse.

**There is a difference between red numbers and black numbers on Titleist golf balls. It has something to do with compression.

**Guys with big swings should play a harder golf ball on hot days. Women should always play a softer ball. We are not making this up.

**Some people actually care about what kind of golf balls they are hitting.

**If you let grass accumulate in the little grooves on the face of your golf clubs, it will add an unwanted backspin to your shots.

**The cute animal head covers that many golfers use on the clubs in their bags serve a purpose other than decoration.

**We think we’re going to have fun and learn something from Coach.

Stay tuned for updates on future developments in the academic careers of a few of our WNMLF golfers.

In Which We Lose Valuable Play Time

The necessity of the return to full-time work has caused serious interference with the WNMLF league practice schedule.

First day back—required meeting on campus safety.

blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART CERTIFICATION blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

(Torture for the golfers in the audience. Must they continue to mention GOLF CARTS?)

(We’re not allowed to drive golf carts unless we get some kind of certification. Our golf teacher, when informed of this, said he wouldn’t tell anyone if we gave him ten dollars.)

blah blah blah blah blah blah

KEEP THIS CARD NEXT TO YOUR PHONE—IT IS A FEDERAL REGULATION. WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF A BOMB THREAT—What is your name? Where is the bomb? Where are you? When will the bomb go off? What is your favorite color? Why are you calling ME?

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

SNORE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

ANY QUESTIONS? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

DISMISSED.

All in all, we prefer a morning out on the fairways and greens at our beloved Civitan.

Golf Ball Whisperer

“Meet me at the Buick in handicapped parking,” he said as he caught up with us at the tee box on hole #9.

Then he handed Joan the ball that had landed on the lakeshore on her first tee shot off hole #5.

“Here’s your ball,” he said, as we looked surprised to see the ball that we had given up for lost in the weeds.

He apparently perceived that we were a group of golfers who could use all the extra balls that would come our way.

We finished out hole #9, sat in the shade to add up our scores, and made our way to the parking lot.

We were soon joined by our new friend with the Buick and the trunk full of found golf balls. With great pride, he told us stories of how many lost and abandoned golf balls he had retrieved that day and one day last week on our Civitan golf course. He knew the exact numbers.

We also heard about the thousands of lost golf balls he had collected when he lived and worked near golf courses in Nevada and Utah. He also knew those exact numbers.

In the trunk of the Buick, he had a Christmas popcorn tin filled to the brim with these found golf balls.

“Reach in there,” he said. “Grab yourself a dozen or more. Take as many as you want.”

And so in golf--as in life--when you least expect it, beauty, magic, and generosity can come your way.

We were grateful for this moment of grace. And for the golf balls.

Sad Day at Civitan

When WNMLF golfers arrived at our home course this morning, we were greeted by a sad sight.

Last night, someone (or likely someones-plural) took shovels and tore up 5 of our beautiful greens. They also hacked down part of a tree and tried to “plant it” in the torn-up mess of the green on hole #1.

It was sputtering a few drops of rain and cloudy this morning after last night’s rain, and it seemed as if our beloved golf course was crying about this senseless vandalism.

We went out to play the 4 holes that were untouched, and noted the hard work of the grounds crew as they worked salvage what they could of their carefully tended grass.

By the time we left, they had already repaired and reopened hole #8—a minor miracle considering the damage to the course.

We salute our wonderful groundskeepers Gilbert and Marty and thank them for all their hard work. We appreciate them in spite of the destruction wreaked by some of the more pitiful members of our human species.

Shame on those vandals. Shame on them.

10th Hole--Iced Coffee on the Patio

An important WNMLF tradition is iced coffee at Durango Joe’s after we’ve packed our bags and carts away.

Hardcore golfers may argue with this concept. They define the 19th hole as their spot in the club bar, usually with alcoholic beverage in hand. Part of their tradition seems to center on sharing golf-whopper stories, perhaps in the style of the fisherperson’s “one that got away” tales. Oddly enough, we WNMLF golfers don’t have too many of those stories.

WNMLF yet again remixes a tradition to suit our needs.

Readers might notice a slight revision in math. We generally retire our clubs for the day after the 9th hole, or one round at Civitan. Right now, it’s really HOT out there. What can we say?

Durango Joe’s is our favorite coffee spot only a few blocks away from our club-of-choice, Civitan (see earlier posting). We drink our iced coffees on a small patio out front. We often rearrange the patio furniture to catch the right angle of shade. Fortunately, DJ’s is pretty laid back about furniture placement.

From this patio, we can exchange the news of the day, drink our coffee, and watch the big white thunderhead clouds that begin to build on the horizon to let us know this is August in New Mexico and time for monsoon season.

Sometimes we even talk about golf.

Golf JuJu

If you google “golf game improvement” you will get about 10,400 hits. Even assuming that some of these will get you to a challenged speller’s blog about water polo in the Gulf of Mexico, this is still a lot of stuff.

These multiple sites offer advice for free and lots of stuff you can buy with your hope and your credit card. This stuff will make you play better, hit better, find your target, find your lost golf balls, putt better, and look better out there on the links.

You can buy pills, radar, golf clubs, and countless accoutrement that promises to make you a better golfer.

It is our observation that none of this stuff actually works. Bottom line—golfers carry around a collection of metal sticks and use them in an attempt to hit a tiny ball into a small hole hundreds of yards away. This really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

So we have to make the leap that golfers are eternal optimists and/or people who believe in magic.

“See that flag way over there?” our first golf teacher said. “Hit it that way.”

“Ok,” we replied, full of optimism, as we swung at that tiny ball and missed. Somehow we tried again and again and again, and we’re still trying.

I don’t know why. It must be JuJu.

Guest Commentary from a Blog Reader/Golfer

Reading our blog provided our friend Vernon with a game-altering experience.

He reports:

“I went back to Riverview bound and determined for an improvement from yesterday…. I think I was a little more focused on observing the scenery from all the different tee boxes, watching lizards run around, admiring the 2 deer that were on the 13th fairway (making sure I didn't disturb them) and searching for the geese that hiss and attempt to bite you . . . oh, sorry, that's Civitan.

I read the Golf Blog (prior to playing) and just had a great laugh. I was looking forward to Vicki's putting advice, hand-grip techniques and professional golf etiquette. I sought out Joan's tee-box stance techniques and suggestions on how to avoid the bunkers, only to be inspired by breakfast burritos, chicken salad, territorial negotiations between golfers and geese . . . and yes, even 'beaning' a goose.

Let’s not forget about the new planet that has joined our solar system, planet Vickijoan. I hope to play a round of golf there some day and have a new sense of inspiration of how the game is to be REALLY played . . . with fun. :)”

Vernon, you are welcome to join WNMLF play anytime.