Golf Ball Heaven

Golfer Katie showed up today at league practice with an object in her bag that looked like radar or a way to communicate with alien space ships.

Upon questioning, it turned out that this object is, in fact, a golf ball retriever.

One of today’s tee shots (golfer to be unidentified here) was a splasher that went into the ditch that parallels hole # 6 at Civitan.

“Oh good,” said Joan. “Now we get to have some fun going after that ball.”

Aforementioned golf ball retriever, alas, did not perform up to expectations and that ball was lost in the murky water.

This makes us pause to wonder about what does happen to all those golf balls that we never find. So where do they go?

Maybe Katie really is summoning aliens after all.

Golf and Opera

We’re having a bit of a difficult time making this connection, perhaps because no one has yet written an opera with golf as the theme.

Why not? Golf has conflict, tension, sexual innuendo, heartbreak, hope, victory, defeat, biting geese (maybe even some murders that the PGA/LPGA doesn’t want us to know about?) In other words, it has what it takes for opera. Why no golf opera?

Golfer Vicki pondered these important questions from the top of the mezzanine at the Santa Fe Opera the other night. The wind, lightning, and thunder rolled into the mountains north of Santa Fe as the opera unfolded, bringing to mind the climactic scene in Caddyshack when the Reverend Father Golfer played his best round ever and was struck down by lightning on the last green.

Come on you 21st century composers. Step up to the tee box, address the ball, and write us an opera.

Pinon Hills League Practice

Pinon Hills Golf Course is our local, famous, big golf course. If by chance you haven’t been keeping up with your Golf Digests, you might not know that.

Some of our friends from other states who actually know how to play golf have come here to play this course, and they give it a thumbs up.

So Pinon Hills is understandably reluctant to be associated with WNMLF golfers.

So far, we have done some good work on the putting green, the chipping green, the driving range, and the grill. Especially the grill.

We can recommend the breakfast sandwiches and the chicken salad.

We will also divulge here if our readers will promise not to give this away—the patio outside the grill has the best view of any restaurant in town. You can dine next to the splendor of the brightly-colored flower pots with a killer view of the bluffs south of town.

Joan and Vicki did some time on the driving range this morning. We overhead the golf coach telling his young golfers to end on a good shot. That sounded like a good idea, but we ran out of range balls at the wrong time.

Timing is everything, as we beg your indulgence to end on the cliche of the day.

Wild Geese on the Golf Course

…with some apology to the poet Mary Oliver.

The family of geese who live at Civitan are not the same geese that Mary Oliver spotted and wrote about so beautifully.

This gaggle poops on the fairways, hisses at golfers, and toddles all over the course at will. They live on our favorite lake that is in-between hole #5 and hole #6.

WNMLF golfer Katie accidentally beaned one of the youngsters earlier this spring, but he bounced back with no apparent damage. (Although it is quite possible that this is the guy who hissed at Vicki during her backswing one morning on hole #1 earlier this month.)

During league practice this morning, golfer Joan said before she teed off on hole #9, “Don’t hit the geese,” and then narrowly missed them.

Here was the existential dilemma—could Joan cross over in the middle of the geese to retrieve that ball?

Vicki advised an approach with a golf club in hand. “They bite, too,” she said.

Groundskeeper and occasional coach to the WNMLF Marty saved the day. He drove up in a golf cart and shooed the offending geese away, thereby saving the day and Joan’s golf ball.

Just another day with the WNMLF.

Golf Book Review--Carl Hiaasen

The Downhill Lie: A Hacker’s Return to a Ruinous Sport
We recommend this book with a warning and (of course) some commentary.

The warning: Don’t read this book in public if you’re concerned about people looking at you when you laugh out loud.

Our commentary: We were especially taken with Toad Golf (you have to read it to get it) and his explanation of the golfing handicap system. We still don’t understand handicapping, but we have to agree with Carl that too much effort at this will “make your head explode.”

It is our observation that Carl is actually a much better golfer than most people out there in spite of his Norwegian angst that prevents him from seeing this as FUN.

So what if a golf cart accidentally ends up in the lake? Oops.

Those splasher water balls would make him famous at AT&T ball park in San Francisco where the Giants play.

Three-putts on the green? Hey—it’s still better than four or five.

In short, we think Mr. Hiaasen doth protest too much.

We offer this parting bit of WNMLF wisdom—if things go wrong, you end up with better stories.

The Inner Game--a Tribute to Ken Macrorie

Ken Macrorie
1918-2009
Teacher, writer, friend, tennis player


When I arrived at Bread Loaf School of English in Vermont in the summer of 1981, I was cold, wet, and in culture shock. I had traveled there from the hot, high, dry desert plains of New Mexico where I was a new writing teacher at a high school in a reservation community.

On my first day in class, I met Ken Macrorie who got up to dance, doing his best interpretation of a Pueblo Indian ceremonial step, and said, “Back where I come from in New Mexico, this is how the Pueblo Indians focus their energies and minds. Watch. This is what writers need to do with their minds, too.” I decided at the moment to stay and learn something from this man.

Our text book was “The Inner Game of Tennis.” It was all about finding that other place in ourselves that knows instinctively how to hit the good shots, write the good piece, be a better person. This was Ken’s gift to me—work hard, be aware, and then let go with the intention of doing it right. Treat the other players/writers/students and their work with respect. Find your voice, tell the truth. Do the right thing.

I have learned that this works with tennis, writing, and now golf. In fact, it works with just about everything.

Thank you, Ken. Godspeed.

Our friendly golf writer--guest commentary

Special guest golfer Patrick joined Joan and Vicki for a round at our Civitan club on July 7.

In addition to his fame as a second grade teacher and a Bisti Writing Project teacher consultant, he is becoming a renowned golf writer as a regular contributor to -Four Corners Golf- magazine.

In other words, he really knows how to play golf. We knew we were in trouble when he hit off the first tee with a pitching wedge and went past the green.

Fortunately, it turns out that Pat is very laid back. In his own words, "Vicki, I'm a patient man. I teach second grade." He is also a great golf coach.

He has given us permission to post here an excerpt from his golf journal that records our play from that day:

"I played at Civitan the week before the Classic [tournament at Pinon Hills golf course] with Vicki and Joan, two of my friends from the Bisti Writing Project, part of the National Writing Project that encourages teachers to see themselves as writers in order to become better teachers of writing. This was the first official golf outing for what we members affectionately call 'The BWP', and it was delightful and refreshing. We played a different version of golf that day, and it was a jolting reminder of what it was like when I first started playing golf. We went to a planet I’ll call Planet VickiJoan.

On Planet VickiJoan, a hole does not begin until an acceptable shot 'catches air' (flies at least as high as the player’s head or higher). A putt that lips out is counted unless all the players in the group agree that the person who was putting was 'robbed.' Even full swings don’t count sometimes. On hole #5, the one by the pond, I yanked my tee shot over the water where it landed on the far, small, and muddy shore. After that, I teed it up again, put one near the green, and actually putted in for a bogey four. They, however, were applauding my birdie?! I even got a free lunch for giving two tips, one per partner. I am a genius on Planet VickiJoan! When I made a real birdie on hole #1 to start the second nine, I felt like a small town hero!"

Thanks, Patrick. You are welcome to join the WNMLF any time.

WNMLF Home Club

Our home course is Civitan Country Club in Farmington. We get encouragement from the regulars, we know when doughnut day happens, and when they call us "young ladies," they aren't being sarcastic (even though most of us are eligible for the over 50 senior discount.)

The course offers a wonderful view of the bluffs south of town. How bad can a round be with scenery like this?

According to the City of Farmington website--


"This is the perfect course to play when time is limited or to work on your short game. It is also an ideal course for beginning golfers. Civitan is a fun par three course that can be enjoyed by any level of player at any age. Carts are not used at the course. So come out and enjoy an easy walk among the rolling hills and large cottonwoods."

History--Riverview Birthday Scramble Tournament--2008

Riverview Golf Course
Kirtland, New Mexico
14 August 2008
Tee time: 4:15 pm
Ground temp 96 F+

Golfers: Sean (celebrating 13th birthday), Jinny, Joan, Vicki

Notes: Played front 9, "sunset course"

Multiple lost balls--Sean found most of them

2 prairie dogs spotted on hole #5--but no visible structural damage to course, nor was there hissing or chattering during any backswings

WNMLF tournament players retired most groups of fast players behind us--we skipped hole #2, let one group play through at hole #5, another group skipped ahead of us at hole #6.

Joan hit the GREEN on tee shot on hole #8. Ooh--hoo. Air Joan.

We forgot to count strokes. Sean declared the winner!

History--Cedar City Open--2008

First Road Trip and Tour Play

Cedar Ridge Golf Course
Cedar City, Utah
19 July 2008
Tee time: 2:00 pm +/-
Temp 93 F +

Golfers: Alan, Don, Vicki +multiple prairie dogs

Notes:

Hole #1--Don made a trick shot through the cottonwood tree that landed on the green after scattering leaves and making an impressive bounce off the tree trunk.

Hole #3--Prairie dogs laughing, chattering, munching as Vicki attempts backswing. Not a great shot.

Hole #5--Corpse on the fairway, toes up. Should we place a flower in his paws? Is this in the golf rule book anywhere?

Hole #8--Don hits a prairie dog in the butt with a fairway shot. Aforementioned prairie dog jumps up and exits the course.

Back in the clubhouse--patient golf groupie Kathy completed 4 crossword puzzles in the air-conditioned splendor.