Golf Balls on Ice

Civitan Lake borders hole #5 on our home course.  It has a light sheet of ice on its surface this week.


As we strolled along the fairway and gazed out at the frozen seascape, we couldn’t help but notice the little round white bumps dotting the surface of the ice at various places on top of the lake. Closer inspection revealed lots of golf balls just underneath the surface of the thin ice as well.

Who says golf is only for the summer months?

Put on your polar fleece, your ear muffs, and come on out. Meet you at the first tee.

Merry Christmas to and from the Western New Mexico Lunatic Fringe Golf League.

Fore!!!!

Tiger Burning Bright

We admire in Tiger the way he walks onto the golf course as if he owns it, the natural graceful swing, and his self-assurance on the putting green.

The rest is white noise/static. The rest is sad.

One of our favorite poets is William Blake (1757-1827). Did he look ahead and see the 21st century Tiger?

“The Tyger” by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire in thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art?
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand, and what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb, make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Golf Discourse Community

“Ooh-hoo,” we said when a new sleeve of Titleist golf balls arrived in our hands, packaged in a lovely little Santa gift bag.


“Titleist Pro SIX,” we continued, knowing mostly that many big shot golfers will hit Titleist golf balls and nothing else.

“Vicki,” said our colleague Mike from down the hall, (Mike who happens to be a gentleman, a scholar, and an actual golfer), “those are Titleist Pro V 1 balls. You’re supposed to say ‘Titleist ProVee One.’”

Oh—and so our initiation into yet another part of the golf world continues. On a day when the temps are flirting with freezing, the wind is blowing cold, and there may still be patches of snow out there on the course, we are working on language lessons.

In the more academic side of our brain, we call this entering a new discourse community.

Thanks to our friend Margaret, we have a new sleeve of fancy golf balls that we know to call “Titleist Pro V 1.” Thanks to our friend Mike, we know how to say it right.

The next challenge will be to hit these balls and not lose them to the rocks, hill, lake, bush, and trees--the forces that eat golf balls and probably don't care at all about how to pronounce their names.

A Golfer's Birthday

We are sorry to have made fun of Katie’s golf ball retriever in an earlier post, because now there is an identical golf ball retriever in this writer’s golf bag. It arrived at our door this weekend in the hands of our golfing buddy Joan, complete with festive ribbon wrapped around the pole.

It must be admitted that it is pretty cool, and probably will serve for multiple uses, like retrieving cat toys from underneath the refrigerator, and shooing away flying bats to name only a couple of possibilities.

No sticking snow on the ground here yet, so we hope to have a chance soon to try out this new, cool device on an actual golf course. We will definitely keep you posted.

It does appear that we may also be keeping alien spaceships posted as we wander the course with this device in our bag. We will get back to you on this, too.

The Rain-Wind-Rainbow Tournament Report

We know you’re anxious for the news, and so we must report here that the WNMLF Scramble Team of Joan, Katie, Cindy, and Vicki survived their first-ever 18 hole tournament at Pinon Hills Golf Course, a benefit for our local Toys for Tots program.

Even though we finished last by some measures, we are happy to report that we finished first for the ladies’ team category (which sounds even better if you forget to notice that we were the only ladies’ team entered).

Things looked a little grim as we sat in our carts, waiting for the shotgun start. It was about 38 degrees F, and rain began to pour down on us.

“Golfers, start your carts.” We were off.

Our first hole was #10. We made the happy discovery that even though we were wet and cold, our teammate Katie was going to have a fabulous day on the course. We made par on that first hole following Katie’s good shots.

As we drove toward hole #11, shivering Cindy said, “One down and only seventeen to go.”

For the next few hours, we experienced almost every weather pattern that the Four Corners has to offer—sunshine, rain, sleet, clouds, wind. All we missed was the snow that held off until a few hours after we finished.

We made the turn and stopped off in the snack bar for hot chocolates.

Springtime returned to us on hole #3. We looked back and saw a full arc rainbow, certainly a sign from the universe that a day on the golf course is always a good one.

Things we learned in our first tournament—

**Some golfers have raincoats for their golf carts.

**There is not necessarily a real shotgun in a “shotgun” start.

**A $20 investment in a pink paint stick is money well-spent.  The paint stick allows Scramble golfers to count any ball within the radius of the paint stick around the hole as IN the hole. We made good use of this stick.

**W. Timothy Gallwey’s humming thing didn’t work out so well.

**It is NOT a good idea to carry a cup of hot chocolate out onto the green and attempt to putt while holding aforementioned hot chocolate.

**If you try to play with one of your cool, official tournament golf balls, you will probably lose it on the first or second hole you play.

**It can take a really long time to play 18 holes.

**The WNMLF team rocks.

Is there any other way to play golf?

Mental Prep for Tournament

New advice from another library trip, this time from W. Timothy Gallwey, author of The Inner Game of Golf—

HUM while you are swinging.

Now we are faced with the dilemma of choosing the proper tune to hum. Beethoven’s Ode to Joy from the Ninth? John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery? Row Row Row Your Boat? Deck the Halls?

Since all the golf advice we have so far encountered has included some version of “just relax and have FUN out there,” we figure that this focus on choosing the proper tune for humming during the swing is probably a good distraction.

Meanwhile, a significant portion of our mental preparation must include this weekend’s Four Corners weather forecast.

Winter storm warnings?

I can’t hear that because I’m humming. You will have to guess what tune I have chosen.

Tournament Prep

Believe it or not, the WNMLF golf league is about to play in its first golf tournament. Is the world of tournaments ready for us?

Our New Mexico November weather turned back to spring for the past two weeks, and we’ve been out there on the driving range in our shirt sleeves as the temps hit into the 60’s and even 70’s.

We took the advice that appeared on a Dove dark chocolate wrapper, “Make the most of an Indian summer day,” and even felt pretty toasty one afternoon last week as we made it through a large bucket of golf balls.

Still, it is November, two weeks before Thanksgiving, and so anything could happen this weekend, both on the golf course and in the local weather pattern.

Stay tuned for further details.

Library Golf

On a tour of the college library with her class the other day, this blogger found herself quite unintentionally stopped in the golf section. She looked up and GV 979.P75 R65 1996 was trying to jump off the shelf.

And there it was—advice from Dr. Bob Rotella, sports psychologist and golf philosopher,

GOLF IS A GAME OF CONFIDENCE.

Among the Pearls from Dr. Bob:

“The right choice is the decisive choice.”

“It’s not very important where you’ve been. Life is about where you’re going.”

“If you can win the battle with your mind and emotions and play your best game, then you really can’t lose.”

“Most dreams are attainable if the dreamer is ready to devote consistent, intelligent effort to them.”

…and a few other pearls scribbled in now undecipherable handwriting.

Then life pressed in and this reader had to press on with the rest of her day.

She walked out of the library with some good advice to ponder, maybe even some golf tips.

Snow in October

In this high desert country, we are having (even for us) a dry year. And so, we should be grateful for three inches of snow on October 28, a month when we are still normally high and dry.

And yet we must observe that this has caused serious interference with WNMLF league practice time.

We might be willing to get out there and give it our best shots, but the golf courses are CLOSED.

Serious interruption of the important business of WNMLF golf.

Autumn Golf

BEWARE the dead leaves hazard on the fall golf course.


Collections of bright yellow leaves on the ground all over the fairways, roughs, and greens can make just about any golf ball disappear—yellow, white, even pink.

During Sunday’s round at Civitan we lost a few golf balls, eaten by collections of the bright yellow dead leaves that otherwise look so festive.

Early Halloween hobgoblins at play? Perhaps.

Tuesdays and Thursdays with the Coach

This round of Golf I (4th time for most of us) has, alas, come to an end. Last Thursday we closed out our season with 6 beautiful holes on the front 9 at Pinon Hills Golf Course.

From the golf cart path high above town, we could see the yellow cottonwoods lining the riverbank, and the sunlight on the bluffs south of town. We were almost too dazzled to remember to hit the golf ball.

The miracle of the game of Scramble once again gave us a good round. It also didn’t hurt that Coach K played two holes with us. Vicki was excited to contribute one good putt on green #5 to the team cause and did a happy dance (allowable in the rules of golf, we discovered during this run-through of Golf I.)

Our round was finally called due to darkness. We found our way back to the clubhouse on the shadowy cart paths, and parked the golf carts for one last time this semester.

Coach K is our WNMLF nominee to the Coaching Hall of Fame.

A Boutique Golf Course

WNMLF league players Joan, Katie, and Vicki went on a road trip to Hunter’s Run Golf Course in Oxford, Colorado. In case you don’t know, that is in-between Ignacio and Durango on Highway 172.

If you take a trip to Hunter's Run, you'll have to watch carefully for golfers in order to find the course, because the sign has either been taken down or blown down.

The 9 holes are wrapped into high farm country with views of higher snow-covered peaks, the local volunteer fire station, and a neighboring sheep farm.

The owner spent 15 years building this course. It is clearly his passion project. We wound through trees, up and down hills, hit over (well almost got over) water hazards, and in general had a great time.

By the time we made the turn at the back of the property to tee off at hole #6, we decided it was time to play Scramble. Our scores made big improvements at this point, as did the pace of play.

Over enchiladas and burritos in Ignacio, the executive committee of WNMLF made an important decision—we like these unusual and out-of-the-way courses, so WNMLF will specialize in boutique golf courses.

If you have built a golf course in your backyard, please let us know about it. We’ll add you to our list.

Cramming for the Final Exam

Put on the coffee pot and get ready to burn the midnight oil—it’s time to study for next week’s final exam in Golf I.

You might assume we know all the answers by now, but this is a new teacher, so it is safer to assume that we are nervous and will study for this one.

Coach K. gave us the following hints in a pre-exam pep talk this past week:

Q: What counts as a stroke?
A: Any attempt to hit the ball. (We find this a bit harsh, but it is the correct answer.)

Q: What happens if the ball lands in mud or water?
A: Find the nearest relief (not the port-a-potty in this definition) and hit from there.

Q: What is the embedded ball rule?
A: Pick it up, clean it off, put it down at the nearest relief (golfing definition).

Q: Can you take mulligans (aka “do-overs”) in competition play?
A: No, with the exception of 4-person Scramble.
(Yet another reason to recommend Scramble, our so-far favorite form of competition.)

Q: What is golf etiquette?
A: (Multiple facets) Play nice. Follow the rules.
Don’t step into your competitor’s line of fire on the green,
don’t chat when someone is shooting, always mark your ball on the green,
remove your shadow from your competitor’s line of putting.
No cursing or club throwing. (We had a few things right.)

Q: Is a hybrid an iron or a wood? (Trick question).
A: It’s both!

Q: How many more times will you enroll in Golf I?
A: As many times as it takes.

Even Tiger is a Student of the Game

Our new favorite book is Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles.

In a very short chapter entitled, “Even a Professional Does Not Hesitate to Ask for Help,” Pressfield writes,

“Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the world. Yet he has a teacher; he works with Butch Harmon. And Tiger doesn’t endure this instruction or suffer through it—he revels in it. It’s his keenest professional joy to get out there on the practice tee with Butch, to learn more about the game he loves.

Tiger Woods is the consummate professional. It would never occur to him, as it would to an amateur, that he knows everything, or can figure everything out on his own. On the contrary, he seeks out the most knowledgeable teacher and listens with both ears. The student of the game knows that the levels of revelation that can unfold in golf, as in any art, are inexhaustible.”

So no more jokes about our enrollment in Golf I for the 4th time, ok?

Wrist Action Breakthrough

Just in case you didn’t know, there is not supposed to be ANY wrist action in putting.

This sounds great in theory and I fully support this, but I have struggled with it through all four versions of Golf I that I have taken.

“Don’t break your wrists on a putt,” said my first golf teacher.

Ok. Good idea. I’ll stop that now.

“Your wrists are still bending,” he said while watching me miss the putt once again.

Here is the problem—my parents spent money on violin lessons. In these lessons, dedicated teachers spent a lot of time training me to move my wrists in particular ways. Especially that right wrist that controls the bow—it has to be loose and fluid or the whole enterprise sounds pretty scary.

For evidence of these scary sounds, we have family stories of my dog Flicka, who stood outside the door of the room where they stowed me for my practice sessions and howled her head off every time I touched the bow to a violin string.

Eventually, I learned to move that right wrist and somewhat soothe the agony of our long-suffering family pet. Now it seems that those lessons paid off to improve my violin playing, but didn’t do much for my golf game.

Coach K to the rescue once again. Watching me struggle on the putting green, he stopped me, took the putter away, and showed me how to reverse my hands on a putting grip. In other words, my left wrist is closer to the ground and controls the swing of the club.

“Try this,” he said.

I tried it. It felt weird. But after a few attempts, VIOLA (sic)(intended)! The ball started going into the hole more consistently. My wrists held tight on the putter.

Sometimes doing things backwards is best.

In Which We Play a Big Shot Golf Course

Thursday, September 24, 2009. Mark your calendars. WNMLF league players Katie and Vicki played 5 complete holes at Pinon Hills Golf Course today. Even more miraculously, we had a great time out there.

Katie had some whopper tee shots, and a beautiful chip shot on hole #2. Vicki hit the fairway on four of her tee shots (if you’ve played with her you realize the importance of this statistic), and hit a very impressive trick shot off a sandstone bluff that made a high bounce before disappearing into a chamisa bush.

We have discovered another potential WNMLF golf guideline—On big shot golf courses, play scramble and make sure you’re teamed up with at least one good golfer.

Operating on this principle today, we made par on 3 holes, and bogeyed the other two. In other words, we came in at only two over.

We must observe what has happened in the preceding paragraphs—all this golf on the big course has gone to our heads, and we are communicating in golf lingo, intelligible only to other golfers or maybe people who walk around with aluminum foil on their heads looking for alien spacecraft.

Look out LPGA. We might be in the rear view mirrors in your golf carts.

Meditation on "FORE!"

When you are out on the golf course, and you hear someone (or several people) yelling, “Fore!”, you understand right away that you are in imminent danger of getting bopped by a golf ball on your head or some other sensitive body part.

You are supposed to protect yourself when you hear this, but in our experience, this raises some very big questions.

Where IS that ball coming from? Where am I supposed to look? Which way am I supposed to move? What if I look up long enough to discover it is hitting me?

You don’t know where and how the ball is going to fall until you hear that unmistakable PLOP somewhere in your vicinity. Obviously it is then far too late to take any evasive action.

Why holler at all? We guess it is related to what one of our teachers told us early on in this learning process.

“Golf is a game of honor,” he said.

So we are left to guess it is honorable to at least pretend that you are trying to protect a fellow or sister golfer from a whack on the head.

This might even be polite. It seems like this is built into golf. And wouldn’t our mothers approve?

We Love this Golf Coach

Our Golf I class played 9 holes at Civitan today. As golfers were finishing up their rounds they gathered at the picnic table for parting words of wisdom from Coach.

Even as he was almost beaned by a line drive off the #9 tee, Coach bravely carried on and left us with important words of wisdom.

“I saw some anger and frustration out there today,” he said. “You’re going to have to give that up or it will ruin your game. Calm down. Have fun out there. That’s what it’s all about.”

It seems that WNMLF principles of deportment on the golf course are closer to being on target than we had originally suspected.

Thank you, Coach.

The Zen of Putting

WNMLF league practice round
Friday, September 4
Civitan Country Club

Special guest golfer and golf coach extraordinaire Stephanie joined us for the round. This woman can not only hit the ball and finish at 3 over par for the entire round—she has good golf wisdom to share that comes with positive reinforcement.

“Great swing,” accompanied by a high 5.

“Smooth stroke,” on a putt that almost went into the hole.

“What about the putting grip?” we asked.

“Ahh,” said Stephanie, “that depends on the artist who is holding the putter. It’s a zen thing. Tiger is so good because he’s creative in how he uses his clubs. You go for the feel to figure out what works.”

Zen mind. Golfer’s mind.

...and Things Get Better

Two days ago it was set up, swing, contact, and plop. Nothing worked right.
Today it was set up, swing, smack, and the ball flew down the driving range.

Does this make any sense?

Maybe it is the 420 dimples on the golf ball.

Maybe we kept our heads down and didn’t move our hips ahead of the ball.

Maybe it was the barometric pressure as the storm threatened to move in.

And maybe it was Golf JuJu.

In any case, we will go back. It is those occasional things that go right that make us keep going back and trying again to make it better.
Need we say it? More life lessons.

Full Swing Practice

Class #3. Out on the driving range, we share a bucket of balls with a partner and hit 5 balls each.

Vicki’s partner Brian said, “Hmm. You’re tall. With that club, those shots should be going longer.”

We agree, but are still mystified with the whole thing. Focus—bend over, straight back, address the ball, interlock grip but” banana hands”, loose wrists, back swing, ninety degree angle on backswing, left arm straight, swing, connect, follow-through, bend at the hips.

Plop.

Too much thinking? It’s a head game. When your head starts to explode, the shots only get worse.

On Thursday, we’ll go back out there and maybe—just maybe—those little white range balls will go flying past the target. It’s happened before and there is every possibility it can happen again.

This is a game for optimists.

We Break In a New Golf Teacher

Tuesday, August 25. First day of class we met in a classroom. Coach K is the designated instructor of this Golf I class.

We learned:

**Coach K prefers to be called, “Coach.”

**A golf ball has 420 dimples. Not only do they add style, they enable aerial flight. (It’s physics. Trust us on this one.)

**If lightning is headed for Pinon Hills Golf Course, the guy in the pro shop will see it on special radar. If you’re out there on the course and you hear an air horn, hit the dirt, get off the course, and/or hide in the outhouse.

**There is a difference between red numbers and black numbers on Titleist golf balls. It has something to do with compression.

**Guys with big swings should play a harder golf ball on hot days. Women should always play a softer ball. We are not making this up.

**Some people actually care about what kind of golf balls they are hitting.

**If you let grass accumulate in the little grooves on the face of your golf clubs, it will add an unwanted backspin to your shots.

**The cute animal head covers that many golfers use on the clubs in their bags serve a purpose other than decoration.

**We think we’re going to have fun and learn something from Coach.

Stay tuned for updates on future developments in the academic careers of a few of our WNMLF golfers.

In Which We Lose Valuable Play Time

The necessity of the return to full-time work has caused serious interference with the WNMLF league practice schedule.

First day back—required meeting on campus safety.

blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GOLF CART CERTIFICATION blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

(Torture for the golfers in the audience. Must they continue to mention GOLF CARTS?)

(We’re not allowed to drive golf carts unless we get some kind of certification. Our golf teacher, when informed of this, said he wouldn’t tell anyone if we gave him ten dollars.)

blah blah blah blah blah blah

KEEP THIS CARD NEXT TO YOUR PHONE—IT IS A FEDERAL REGULATION. WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF A BOMB THREAT—What is your name? Where is the bomb? Where are you? When will the bomb go off? What is your favorite color? Why are you calling ME?

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

SNORE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

ANY QUESTIONS? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

DISMISSED.

All in all, we prefer a morning out on the fairways and greens at our beloved Civitan.

Golf Ball Whisperer

“Meet me at the Buick in handicapped parking,” he said as he caught up with us at the tee box on hole #9.

Then he handed Joan the ball that had landed on the lakeshore on her first tee shot off hole #5.

“Here’s your ball,” he said, as we looked surprised to see the ball that we had given up for lost in the weeds.

He apparently perceived that we were a group of golfers who could use all the extra balls that would come our way.

We finished out hole #9, sat in the shade to add up our scores, and made our way to the parking lot.

We were soon joined by our new friend with the Buick and the trunk full of found golf balls. With great pride, he told us stories of how many lost and abandoned golf balls he had retrieved that day and one day last week on our Civitan golf course. He knew the exact numbers.

We also heard about the thousands of lost golf balls he had collected when he lived and worked near golf courses in Nevada and Utah. He also knew those exact numbers.

In the trunk of the Buick, he had a Christmas popcorn tin filled to the brim with these found golf balls.

“Reach in there,” he said. “Grab yourself a dozen or more. Take as many as you want.”

And so in golf--as in life--when you least expect it, beauty, magic, and generosity can come your way.

We were grateful for this moment of grace. And for the golf balls.

Sad Day at Civitan

When WNMLF golfers arrived at our home course this morning, we were greeted by a sad sight.

Last night, someone (or likely someones-plural) took shovels and tore up 5 of our beautiful greens. They also hacked down part of a tree and tried to “plant it” in the torn-up mess of the green on hole #1.

It was sputtering a few drops of rain and cloudy this morning after last night’s rain, and it seemed as if our beloved golf course was crying about this senseless vandalism.

We went out to play the 4 holes that were untouched, and noted the hard work of the grounds crew as they worked salvage what they could of their carefully tended grass.

By the time we left, they had already repaired and reopened hole #8—a minor miracle considering the damage to the course.

We salute our wonderful groundskeepers Gilbert and Marty and thank them for all their hard work. We appreciate them in spite of the destruction wreaked by some of the more pitiful members of our human species.

Shame on those vandals. Shame on them.

10th Hole--Iced Coffee on the Patio

An important WNMLF tradition is iced coffee at Durango Joe’s after we’ve packed our bags and carts away.

Hardcore golfers may argue with this concept. They define the 19th hole as their spot in the club bar, usually with alcoholic beverage in hand. Part of their tradition seems to center on sharing golf-whopper stories, perhaps in the style of the fisherperson’s “one that got away” tales. Oddly enough, we WNMLF golfers don’t have too many of those stories.

WNMLF yet again remixes a tradition to suit our needs.

Readers might notice a slight revision in math. We generally retire our clubs for the day after the 9th hole, or one round at Civitan. Right now, it’s really HOT out there. What can we say?

Durango Joe’s is our favorite coffee spot only a few blocks away from our club-of-choice, Civitan (see earlier posting). We drink our iced coffees on a small patio out front. We often rearrange the patio furniture to catch the right angle of shade. Fortunately, DJ’s is pretty laid back about furniture placement.

From this patio, we can exchange the news of the day, drink our coffee, and watch the big white thunderhead clouds that begin to build on the horizon to let us know this is August in New Mexico and time for monsoon season.

Sometimes we even talk about golf.

Golf JuJu

If you google “golf game improvement” you will get about 10,400 hits. Even assuming that some of these will get you to a challenged speller’s blog about water polo in the Gulf of Mexico, this is still a lot of stuff.

These multiple sites offer advice for free and lots of stuff you can buy with your hope and your credit card. This stuff will make you play better, hit better, find your target, find your lost golf balls, putt better, and look better out there on the links.

You can buy pills, radar, golf clubs, and countless accoutrement that promises to make you a better golfer.

It is our observation that none of this stuff actually works. Bottom line—golfers carry around a collection of metal sticks and use them in an attempt to hit a tiny ball into a small hole hundreds of yards away. This really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

So we have to make the leap that golfers are eternal optimists and/or people who believe in magic.

“See that flag way over there?” our first golf teacher said. “Hit it that way.”

“Ok,” we replied, full of optimism, as we swung at that tiny ball and missed. Somehow we tried again and again and again, and we’re still trying.

I don’t know why. It must be JuJu.

Guest Commentary from a Blog Reader/Golfer

Reading our blog provided our friend Vernon with a game-altering experience.

He reports:

“I went back to Riverview bound and determined for an improvement from yesterday…. I think I was a little more focused on observing the scenery from all the different tee boxes, watching lizards run around, admiring the 2 deer that were on the 13th fairway (making sure I didn't disturb them) and searching for the geese that hiss and attempt to bite you . . . oh, sorry, that's Civitan.

I read the Golf Blog (prior to playing) and just had a great laugh. I was looking forward to Vicki's putting advice, hand-grip techniques and professional golf etiquette. I sought out Joan's tee-box stance techniques and suggestions on how to avoid the bunkers, only to be inspired by breakfast burritos, chicken salad, territorial negotiations between golfers and geese . . . and yes, even 'beaning' a goose.

Let’s not forget about the new planet that has joined our solar system, planet Vickijoan. I hope to play a round of golf there some day and have a new sense of inspiration of how the game is to be REALLY played . . . with fun. :)”

Vernon, you are welcome to join WNMLF play anytime.

Golf Ball Heaven

Golfer Katie showed up today at league practice with an object in her bag that looked like radar or a way to communicate with alien space ships.

Upon questioning, it turned out that this object is, in fact, a golf ball retriever.

One of today’s tee shots (golfer to be unidentified here) was a splasher that went into the ditch that parallels hole # 6 at Civitan.

“Oh good,” said Joan. “Now we get to have some fun going after that ball.”

Aforementioned golf ball retriever, alas, did not perform up to expectations and that ball was lost in the murky water.

This makes us pause to wonder about what does happen to all those golf balls that we never find. So where do they go?

Maybe Katie really is summoning aliens after all.

Golf and Opera

We’re having a bit of a difficult time making this connection, perhaps because no one has yet written an opera with golf as the theme.

Why not? Golf has conflict, tension, sexual innuendo, heartbreak, hope, victory, defeat, biting geese (maybe even some murders that the PGA/LPGA doesn’t want us to know about?) In other words, it has what it takes for opera. Why no golf opera?

Golfer Vicki pondered these important questions from the top of the mezzanine at the Santa Fe Opera the other night. The wind, lightning, and thunder rolled into the mountains north of Santa Fe as the opera unfolded, bringing to mind the climactic scene in Caddyshack when the Reverend Father Golfer played his best round ever and was struck down by lightning on the last green.

Come on you 21st century composers. Step up to the tee box, address the ball, and write us an opera.

Pinon Hills League Practice

Pinon Hills Golf Course is our local, famous, big golf course. If by chance you haven’t been keeping up with your Golf Digests, you might not know that.

Some of our friends from other states who actually know how to play golf have come here to play this course, and they give it a thumbs up.

So Pinon Hills is understandably reluctant to be associated with WNMLF golfers.

So far, we have done some good work on the putting green, the chipping green, the driving range, and the grill. Especially the grill.

We can recommend the breakfast sandwiches and the chicken salad.

We will also divulge here if our readers will promise not to give this away—the patio outside the grill has the best view of any restaurant in town. You can dine next to the splendor of the brightly-colored flower pots with a killer view of the bluffs south of town.

Joan and Vicki did some time on the driving range this morning. We overhead the golf coach telling his young golfers to end on a good shot. That sounded like a good idea, but we ran out of range balls at the wrong time.

Timing is everything, as we beg your indulgence to end on the cliche of the day.

Wild Geese on the Golf Course

…with some apology to the poet Mary Oliver.

The family of geese who live at Civitan are not the same geese that Mary Oliver spotted and wrote about so beautifully.

This gaggle poops on the fairways, hisses at golfers, and toddles all over the course at will. They live on our favorite lake that is in-between hole #5 and hole #6.

WNMLF golfer Katie accidentally beaned one of the youngsters earlier this spring, but he bounced back with no apparent damage. (Although it is quite possible that this is the guy who hissed at Vicki during her backswing one morning on hole #1 earlier this month.)

During league practice this morning, golfer Joan said before she teed off on hole #9, “Don’t hit the geese,” and then narrowly missed them.

Here was the existential dilemma—could Joan cross over in the middle of the geese to retrieve that ball?

Vicki advised an approach with a golf club in hand. “They bite, too,” she said.

Groundskeeper and occasional coach to the WNMLF Marty saved the day. He drove up in a golf cart and shooed the offending geese away, thereby saving the day and Joan’s golf ball.

Just another day with the WNMLF.

Golf Book Review--Carl Hiaasen

The Downhill Lie: A Hacker’s Return to a Ruinous Sport
We recommend this book with a warning and (of course) some commentary.

The warning: Don’t read this book in public if you’re concerned about people looking at you when you laugh out loud.

Our commentary: We were especially taken with Toad Golf (you have to read it to get it) and his explanation of the golfing handicap system. We still don’t understand handicapping, but we have to agree with Carl that too much effort at this will “make your head explode.”

It is our observation that Carl is actually a much better golfer than most people out there in spite of his Norwegian angst that prevents him from seeing this as FUN.

So what if a golf cart accidentally ends up in the lake? Oops.

Those splasher water balls would make him famous at AT&T ball park in San Francisco where the Giants play.

Three-putts on the green? Hey—it’s still better than four or five.

In short, we think Mr. Hiaasen doth protest too much.

We offer this parting bit of WNMLF wisdom—if things go wrong, you end up with better stories.

The Inner Game--a Tribute to Ken Macrorie

Ken Macrorie
1918-2009
Teacher, writer, friend, tennis player


When I arrived at Bread Loaf School of English in Vermont in the summer of 1981, I was cold, wet, and in culture shock. I had traveled there from the hot, high, dry desert plains of New Mexico where I was a new writing teacher at a high school in a reservation community.

On my first day in class, I met Ken Macrorie who got up to dance, doing his best interpretation of a Pueblo Indian ceremonial step, and said, “Back where I come from in New Mexico, this is how the Pueblo Indians focus their energies and minds. Watch. This is what writers need to do with their minds, too.” I decided at the moment to stay and learn something from this man.

Our text book was “The Inner Game of Tennis.” It was all about finding that other place in ourselves that knows instinctively how to hit the good shots, write the good piece, be a better person. This was Ken’s gift to me—work hard, be aware, and then let go with the intention of doing it right. Treat the other players/writers/students and their work with respect. Find your voice, tell the truth. Do the right thing.

I have learned that this works with tennis, writing, and now golf. In fact, it works with just about everything.

Thank you, Ken. Godspeed.

Our friendly golf writer--guest commentary

Special guest golfer Patrick joined Joan and Vicki for a round at our Civitan club on July 7.

In addition to his fame as a second grade teacher and a Bisti Writing Project teacher consultant, he is becoming a renowned golf writer as a regular contributor to -Four Corners Golf- magazine.

In other words, he really knows how to play golf. We knew we were in trouble when he hit off the first tee with a pitching wedge and went past the green.

Fortunately, it turns out that Pat is very laid back. In his own words, "Vicki, I'm a patient man. I teach second grade." He is also a great golf coach.

He has given us permission to post here an excerpt from his golf journal that records our play from that day:

"I played at Civitan the week before the Classic [tournament at Pinon Hills golf course] with Vicki and Joan, two of my friends from the Bisti Writing Project, part of the National Writing Project that encourages teachers to see themselves as writers in order to become better teachers of writing. This was the first official golf outing for what we members affectionately call 'The BWP', and it was delightful and refreshing. We played a different version of golf that day, and it was a jolting reminder of what it was like when I first started playing golf. We went to a planet I’ll call Planet VickiJoan.

On Planet VickiJoan, a hole does not begin until an acceptable shot 'catches air' (flies at least as high as the player’s head or higher). A putt that lips out is counted unless all the players in the group agree that the person who was putting was 'robbed.' Even full swings don’t count sometimes. On hole #5, the one by the pond, I yanked my tee shot over the water where it landed on the far, small, and muddy shore. After that, I teed it up again, put one near the green, and actually putted in for a bogey four. They, however, were applauding my birdie?! I even got a free lunch for giving two tips, one per partner. I am a genius on Planet VickiJoan! When I made a real birdie on hole #1 to start the second nine, I felt like a small town hero!"

Thanks, Patrick. You are welcome to join the WNMLF any time.

WNMLF Home Club

Our home course is Civitan Country Club in Farmington. We get encouragement from the regulars, we know when doughnut day happens, and when they call us "young ladies," they aren't being sarcastic (even though most of us are eligible for the over 50 senior discount.)

The course offers a wonderful view of the bluffs south of town. How bad can a round be with scenery like this?

According to the City of Farmington website--


"This is the perfect course to play when time is limited or to work on your short game. It is also an ideal course for beginning golfers. Civitan is a fun par three course that can be enjoyed by any level of player at any age. Carts are not used at the course. So come out and enjoy an easy walk among the rolling hills and large cottonwoods."

History--Riverview Birthday Scramble Tournament--2008

Riverview Golf Course
Kirtland, New Mexico
14 August 2008
Tee time: 4:15 pm
Ground temp 96 F+

Golfers: Sean (celebrating 13th birthday), Jinny, Joan, Vicki

Notes: Played front 9, "sunset course"

Multiple lost balls--Sean found most of them

2 prairie dogs spotted on hole #5--but no visible structural damage to course, nor was there hissing or chattering during any backswings

WNMLF tournament players retired most groups of fast players behind us--we skipped hole #2, let one group play through at hole #5, another group skipped ahead of us at hole #6.

Joan hit the GREEN on tee shot on hole #8. Ooh--hoo. Air Joan.

We forgot to count strokes. Sean declared the winner!

History--Cedar City Open--2008

First Road Trip and Tour Play

Cedar Ridge Golf Course
Cedar City, Utah
19 July 2008
Tee time: 2:00 pm +/-
Temp 93 F +

Golfers: Alan, Don, Vicki +multiple prairie dogs

Notes:

Hole #1--Don made a trick shot through the cottonwood tree that landed on the green after scattering leaves and making an impressive bounce off the tree trunk.

Hole #3--Prairie dogs laughing, chattering, munching as Vicki attempts backswing. Not a great shot.

Hole #5--Corpse on the fairway, toes up. Should we place a flower in his paws? Is this in the golf rule book anywhere?

Hole #8--Don hits a prairie dog in the butt with a fairway shot. Aforementioned prairie dog jumps up and exits the course.

Back in the clubhouse--patient golf groupie Kathy completed 4 crossword puzzles in the air-conditioned splendor.